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Saturday, April 02, 2011

No Regrets

I wanted my first serious boyfriend to be the man I would marry. When I finally met the person I had the courage to commit myself to, I was determined to have the ideal courtship. He secured permission from my parents for our courtship, and they kept us accountable.

However, our relationship was challenged by our different principles, different faith and by what I began to sense to be the different directions of our heart. When the apprehension was echoed by my family, I was alarmed, nevertheless, in my pride, I persisted in my relationship with no peace. We're working on the same company. He's 29 and I'm 21 when he proposed to me. But since I had no plans to get settle down, I humbly heeded all the warnings and said "no." My decision shocked him. Soon, I've decided to resigned from my work. When asked to wait for him, I hesitated, I could not maintain a relationship from a distance with a person I was unsure of.

Yet he insisted that he'll wait for me. Thinking that the commitment he was offering was a development from God, our relationship continue. I was in that relationship for 2 years. Until he confesses that he got someone pregnant (sounds like in a movie huh?, but it is true.).

I can't believe what I'm hearing! I was totally shock.  Though he said, if he has to choose over me or the baby it'll be me. That  he don't love the girl that it was just a mistake. >roll eyes< Seriously?!

I am very hurt. :( For several days I could not eat. I was in a states of mind called self denial. Tender grains of rice tasted like small pebbles against my tongue. My eyes were swollen from tears, my voice deeply hushed by sorrow and my heart terribly anguished with His memories.

Although I suffered much from the separation, I heeded God's command to obey Him rather than obey my sinful self or anyone else. I heeded His warnings in His Word about the consequences such decisions would bring about in my life, as well as in the life of my children and my children's children. (if I would still choose to continue the relationship with him) True, it's really painful to say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go, but that decision, giving up the guy for the baby's sake,  gave me insurmountable peace.

My dream to have the "ideal" relationship was shattered. But I believe that what happened was part of my journey with God in forming my character. It was a time to learn new lessons on faith. It was time to give up what I was  holding on to and trust God once again for something better. Words from the Bible, family and friends gave me the courage to move on.

Through this experience, God broke through to me in order to humble me and to value what He was saying through my family, both immediate and spiritual. Some time later, other men came my way. But God's wisdom had warned me not to entertain men who have no fear of the Lord.

It has almost been 3 years. With confidence in God's plan for my life (Rom. 8:28), I can humbly say that I have no regrets.

Roman 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love  him, who have been called according to his purpose.

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